Lack of empathy...even Schadenfreude

As Peggy's Obsessive Compulsive Personality has progressed, I began to notice in her a fairly consistent pattern of lack of empathy towards me. I think from time to time she is able to feel some empathy towards our children but when it comes to me, her empathy is almost entirely absent. Lack of empathy is not explicitly discussed in the book Too Perfect as a symptom of Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder but I suspect it is a natural consequence of this condition. Imposing their exacting standards on other people without being able to consider how this may make them feel, has to involve a great deal of inability to put themselves in someone else's shoes.

I am a fairly strong person pysically and emotionally and I rarely break down. I don't even get sick with a cold very often. Peggy, on the other hand, catches every single cold that is out there and she frequently has a hurt shoulder, back, or an elbow. I always express empathy when she complains about her maladies even though I am not quite sure how many of them are truly physical, how many are psychologically induced. However, on the rare occasions that I get sick or hurt, she expresses no empathy whatsoever. On the contrary, she frequently does something that has puzzled me for a long time: She laughs or giggles. Yes. She has laughed many times when I was sick and my voice was hoarse. She even laughs if I cut my face when I shave. This is what one would call Schadenfreude, i.e. to enjoy the suffering of other people. We all know that most humor is based on the misfortunes of others but we don't normally laugh at the expense of our loved ones. That's why sitcoms on TV are so popular. We laugh at a person on TV throwing a proverbial pie on another person's face. It is a legitimate outlet for our tendency to laugh at the misfortune of others. However, like I said, we are not supposed to laugh at the misfortunes of those closest to us. When my loved ones suffer, I don't even think to laugh. My first intinct is to feel bad for them for the pain they are going under.

I think the reason Peggy enjoys seeing me suffer is because it makes her feel better about herself. She is very a self-critical person and she feels very bad about getting sick or hurt so often. When she sees me having the same experience, it is a form of comic relief for her. What she doesn't realize is how bad it looks.

I have come out and directly asked her why she laughs when I am sick or hurt. She didn't even answer the question. I pointed out that her laughing at my suffering means to me that she doesn't care about me. Again, all she did was remain silent. This comes on top of her controlling behavior, anxiety and depression I have to deal with. I feel that if some day I get sick, old or disabled, I cannot rely on her to help me. I feel that I don't have a true partner in the world who would care for me if I am sick, who would dress my wounds if they need to be. I feel that I always have to be strong. There is no one to help me if I feel weak.